General Issue Post
So.
My parents arrived home from a trip out west the other day. I was holding the car for them as an alternative to the astronomical parking rates in the airport parking lot. (Also, then I can drive it around and give it back to them with an empty tank... Yes, I'm a terrible son.) They had to come by my work to retrieve the car. Luckily, I was able to swing it so that I could get myself a short break when they got there. There were several things that we had to talk about right away. Since I don't live at home anymore, catching up on news can be a rather hurried and exciting affair. Among all the news I caught up on was an item that while not the most shocking is sure to be the source of the most amusement. And this is why I present it to you.
It seems a portion of our basement flooded in the last week. It also seems that we have a drain in our basement that connects directly to yonder sewer. These two seemingly disconnected facts are in fact connected. It seems that said drain managed to back up and caused the flood of the walk-in closet of our basement. Ordinarily, I would take this time to point the blame for a fiasco like this at a member of my family so as to accumulate some ammunition for later mockery and good-natured ribbing. In this case, however, it seems that a previous owner o my family's home saw fit to build a wall directly over previously mentioned drain, making it impossible for my family to know of its existence. Only through creative hammer, deconstruction of this wall, were my parents able to to locate the hidden gem of backed-up plumbing. My father has described tranquil pools of black filth and sludge. He has told me about burbling ponds of raw sewage that stood inches deep upon our linoleum basment flooring. My father saw the looks of horror, shock, and disgust riding openly on my face and continued to describe the process that they had to go through to cleanse our basement. Normally, I would be alright with this sort of revolting description, but this time, my mind was occupied with images of my bedroom, which happens to be in the basement, flooded with the waters of the sewer. I could see my old bed floating away accompanied by my dresser and some old turd.
Luckily, my parents inform me that my room was spared this indignity. Only the closet was wettened. This news filled me with relief until I remembered that all my old toys reside in that closet. I have several hundred dollars worth of G.I.Joe and LEGO stowed away in that closet. I'm sure the G.I.Joe collection would be worth more to a collector than that much even... if it weren't for the fact that each and every one of my Joes are battle-hardened veterans, bearing the scars and wounds of wars past. Their vehicles are all in need of serious maintenance and probably a oil change while you're at it.
After their bath in sewer crud, I think it's a safe bet that these Joes have seen their last battles. They can now settle into quiet retirement. Lifeline can take the time to properly patch up his comrades, and Hawk can finally rest the over-taxed and over-stretched black rubber band that holds him together in the middle. Dial-Tone can take the time to search for his broken-off arm, and Blizzard can finally take that beach vacation without worrying about being sent away on yet another arctic mission. (seriously... how much trouble can Cobra really cause in a place that is essentially the world's biggest ice cube?)
Was I the only big G.I.Joe fan or did anybody else know exactly who I was talking about there? I think G.I.Joe fans are aging fast. Soon there won't be any more of us, and the name will be lost to nerdism. That's what I'm worried about. I own "G.I.Joe: the Movie," and I don't want to have to feel like a complete loser for it. In any case, I'm interested in knowing who your favourite Joe was... unless it was Snake-Eyes, cause then you're that loser I was talking about. My personal favourite was Clutch followed up by Lift-Ticket and Wetsuit. Anybody else?
My parents arrived home from a trip out west the other day. I was holding the car for them as an alternative to the astronomical parking rates in the airport parking lot. (Also, then I can drive it around and give it back to them with an empty tank... Yes, I'm a terrible son.) They had to come by my work to retrieve the car. Luckily, I was able to swing it so that I could get myself a short break when they got there. There were several things that we had to talk about right away. Since I don't live at home anymore, catching up on news can be a rather hurried and exciting affair. Among all the news I caught up on was an item that while not the most shocking is sure to be the source of the most amusement. And this is why I present it to you.
It seems a portion of our basement flooded in the last week. It also seems that we have a drain in our basement that connects directly to yonder sewer. These two seemingly disconnected facts are in fact connected. It seems that said drain managed to back up and caused the flood of the walk-in closet of our basement. Ordinarily, I would take this time to point the blame for a fiasco like this at a member of my family so as to accumulate some ammunition for later mockery and good-natured ribbing. In this case, however, it seems that a previous owner o my family's home saw fit to build a wall directly over previously mentioned drain, making it impossible for my family to know of its existence. Only through creative hammer, deconstruction of this wall, were my parents able to to locate the hidden gem of backed-up plumbing. My father has described tranquil pools of black filth and sludge. He has told me about burbling ponds of raw sewage that stood inches deep upon our linoleum basment flooring. My father saw the looks of horror, shock, and disgust riding openly on my face and continued to describe the process that they had to go through to cleanse our basement. Normally, I would be alright with this sort of revolting description, but this time, my mind was occupied with images of my bedroom, which happens to be in the basement, flooded with the waters of the sewer. I could see my old bed floating away accompanied by my dresser and some old turd.
Luckily, my parents inform me that my room was spared this indignity. Only the closet was wettened. This news filled me with relief until I remembered that all my old toys reside in that closet. I have several hundred dollars worth of G.I.Joe and LEGO stowed away in that closet. I'm sure the G.I.Joe collection would be worth more to a collector than that much even... if it weren't for the fact that each and every one of my Joes are battle-hardened veterans, bearing the scars and wounds of wars past. Their vehicles are all in need of serious maintenance and probably a oil change while you're at it.
After their bath in sewer crud, I think it's a safe bet that these Joes have seen their last battles. They can now settle into quiet retirement. Lifeline can take the time to properly patch up his comrades, and Hawk can finally rest the over-taxed and over-stretched black rubber band that holds him together in the middle. Dial-Tone can take the time to search for his broken-off arm, and Blizzard can finally take that beach vacation without worrying about being sent away on yet another arctic mission. (seriously... how much trouble can Cobra really cause in a place that is essentially the world's biggest ice cube?)
Was I the only big G.I.Joe fan or did anybody else know exactly who I was talking about there? I think G.I.Joe fans are aging fast. Soon there won't be any more of us, and the name will be lost to nerdism. That's what I'm worried about. I own "G.I.Joe: the Movie," and I don't want to have to feel like a complete loser for it. In any case, I'm interested in knowing who your favourite Joe was... unless it was Snake-Eyes, cause then you're that loser I was talking about. My personal favourite was Clutch followed up by Lift-Ticket and Wetsuit. Anybody else?
posted by Sam at 5:20 PM
6 Comments:
Oh, Sam. That sucks.
Um. Perhaps you should consider never living in a house with a basement again.
(amy)
Hmm, yes, they do seem to fill up with water fairly often now don't they?
(I really thought you were going to make a crack about Snowjob being your favourite G.I.Joe. I felt like I could count on you.)
Wow.. I remember GI Joes!! I used to play with them all the time.. ha ha.. Cobra.. man it's been a long time - now I feel really old! Sorry though Sam, can't say I remember any of the names.. I did have a favourite though.. just don't know who it is!
denise <><
Sam, I totally feel your pain. My G.I. Joes reside in the quiet tranquility of our attic, in perfect condition and will never be handled or sold for many years to come (I'm thinking if I keep holing out, they'll make a great downpayment for my first home).
But as for characters, I would have to say that there are two members of this incredible fighting force that are tied for the #1 spot on my list.
1) Quick Kick - the lean, mean, martial arts and silent weapons machine. Sadly, he died while helping Breaker and Crazylegs escape from one of Cobra's holding facilities.
2) Roadblock - The man with the big guns (Heavy Gunner).
Hey Louis,
Alright, those are respectable. Quick Quick never really did much for me, but the issue where they held the memorial for all those guys after they died was a pretty good one.
I've got to find a place to fill the gaps in my old G.I.Joe comic collection. One of my saddest regrets about a material possession was tossing out the final issue of G.I.joe because my mom thought it was too violent. Now I know that it was about Vietnam and how terrible war can be, but back then I didn't get it...
I want that one back.
My favourite character is Snowjob! Snowjob's awesome! [Insert further geekery about Snowjob].
(amy)
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